You Know You Live In A Small Alberta Hick Town When ...

1. Instead of the traffic report on the radio you hear the cattle auction report.
2. There are more old folk's homes than grocery stores.
3. There's only one radio station and you guessed it ... it's country.
4. You get honked at by a guy in a pickup truck holding a rubber honking Canada Goose out the window.
5. You can buy John Deere baseball hats at the drug store.
6. The only stores open 7 days a week are the liquor stores.
7. The pickup truck to car ratio is 30:1.
8. The best bar in town is called "The Blue Yak" (and the building is painted a bright blue so you can't miss it)
9. The biggest concern about walking around town by yourself is little old men in big beastly cars almost running you over in the crosswalk.
10. Wendy's is closed at 8:00 !!!! (you knew that one was coming)

Crossword puzzles make me feel stupid ... But I'm hooked

As my free time continues to grow, I continue to discover ways to waste these extra hours away. The activities have to be time consuming but also free because as I mentioned before I'm a broke student with no job. My latest thing is doing the crossword puzzle from the Edmonton Journal and actually finishing it. This may sound impressive at first but don't jump to quickly to the conclusion that I'm brillant because I am not. I completed my first entire crossword today and it was offically 12 days since I started it. Wait it gets better, I used multiple resources to do it. The internet, books, other people, you name it and I tried to use it to finish this crossword thus the many hours that it took me to do it and therefore a great waste of time. I also learnt many, fairly useless pieces of trivia. For example, "muy" in Spanish means very, and for whatever reason I were to be in Turkey I would need Liras to catch a cab out of there. Or that "stoles" are fur wraps, so if I ever need to buy some fur I'll know what to ask for. That's a funny image, me wearing fur. Anyway, in the end I only had one clue wrong and I succeded at consuming some of my free time.

Overall I was pretty happy with myself for having completed it despite all the extra help I needed. So today I start a new one in hopes to beat my 12 day record and get them all right. My goal is to someday do the entire crossword without any help. It is a very long term goal as you can tell. But I know it can be done. If my grandma can do it by the time I'm her age I know I will be able to too.

Don't Honk At Me!!!!

Everyone has their own personal pet peeves about other drivers. I don't claim to be the best driver myself, so I'm sure some people are annoyed by my driving too. But my biggest pet peeve, hands down, is people honking at me when I am waiting to make a left hand turn. They can sit behind me in their fancy car, that has the power to streak into traffic and make that turn, and honk at me all they want but I'm here to tell you I'm not moving till I'm ready. I don't have a new fancy powerful car, not even close. I have an old clunker like the majority of us middle class citizens. And anyone who owns their own car will tell you that you start to learn your vehicles limitations. If I don't think I can make it, I wait and that's just too bad for all those people who have to wait for me. If you want to cause an accident and piss me off, honk your horn. But that's just going to make me mad and make me sit there longer just despite you.

I realize that probably the target audience I want to yell at and change their ways are more than likely not reading this, so my message may be lost. But it enrages me enough to rant about it.

So to all you people who get impatient because I refuse to risk my life by cutting in front of a vehicle I know I can't beat, I say "Don't honk at me!!!" along with several other choice words and hand gestures that just don't come across as well in text.

What Do I Have To Do Around Here To Get A Frosty?

We've all seen the commercials. Wendy's is suppose to be open late. Well apparently Olds didn't get the memo because their store is closed at the whopping extremely late hour of 8:00. Can you believe it??? The whole place is closed, the drive thru isn't even open. So if I want a frosty I have to have it before 8:00. That's not late, not even close. It's like your parents telling you your not allowed to have a snack before bed. That's just not right. Meanwhile Tim Hortons is still open but do they have frosty's ... no. All they have to offer me is coffee that will keep me up all night and doughnuts that weren't even cooked fresh but rather warmed up after they have been shipped frozen from half way across the country. I was forced to go to the nearly as cheap but not even close to being as good McDonald's for a sundae to get my ice cream fix. This does not shed a good light on Olds. It does make me appreciate the big city that much more because in Edmonton the Wendy's is open until at least midnight at most locations. Clearly the person responsible for this atrocity needs to be hunted down and beaten with a stick. Because lets face it a beating is always a good solution unless of course your on the other end of the beating, but I won't go there.

So there you have it my brief but very enraged rant, how dare they deny me my frosty. "Shakes fist in the air angrily".

"Friends"; The Obsession

For those of you who already know me, you know that I am obsessed with "Friends". Since I moved to Olds, seven months ago, I have watched every season of "Friends" at least two times and some of the seasons even three times. It is not uncommon to hear me quip "You know what that reminds me of ... that episode of "Friends" where Chandler ..." It was when I started to annoy my real life friends with all of my "Friends" references that I decided to take a "Friends" break. I have successfully gone two whole weeks without watching an episode. I feel like I should be at a meeting where I stand up and say, "Hi, my name is Charlene and I have been "Friends" free for two weeks now". Then everyone would clap. I'm sure there are other people out there like me, maybe I should start the "Friends Addiction Anonymous" meetings or FAA as it will become known.

The hardest thing about not watching "Friends", man how many times am I going to have to use that word "Friends" in this post, "Winnebago" all you Arrogant Worms fans will get that one, anyway back to my topic. Right the hardest thing is filling up the time that I generally spend watching "Friends" with something else to watch. I started out with "That's 70's Show" but I only have so much of that. Some documentaries from the library, I even broke down and watched Dirty Harry. But I think the one that takes home the prize is I've started watching American Idol, religiously. I wouldn't say it's an obsession but it is a good time waster and I must admit it has some entertainment value, mostly anticipating what Simon is going to say after a ghastly performance.

Only time will tell how long I can hold off watching "Friends" but I think the break is a good thing. I may just spend more time with the three dimensional people and annoy those around me just a little less. But just a little. I wouldn't want them to get too comfortable, I'll make sure to continue to be an annoyance in other ways , you got to keep 'em on their toes.

Tree Climbing Is Very Cool Bananas!!!!

In the above picture I'm the one in the yellow just hanging out, in a tree. If you would have asked me even a year ago if I would every climb trees for a living I probably would have said "that's an actual job?" The cool thing is that it is an actual job and I'm going to be doing it. Maybe not climbing a lot of trees right away because you have to work your way up from groundworker (basically a glorified word for laborer who hauls branches around and throws them in the chipper, all the grunt work and of course as the name suggests the work is on the ground which is not nearly as cool as being up in the tree but you got to start somewhere). Of the very little tree climbing I've done so far, I've only been up in two trees, I love it.

If your wondering if it's dangerous, it most definitely is. The arborist industry has one of the highest death rates of any occupation. Doesn't that sound super. It's also very physically demanding. For those of you who have backpacked and have experience the hip "bruises" and you'll know what I mean if you've had them. Hanging in a tree climbing harness, at least 10 times worse on the hip bruises. It hurts to sleep on my side. But did I mention it was fun. But like any job most accidents are preventable if the job is done properly and safely. Does that sound convincing? I'm partly trying to convince myself. But seriously to me enjoying my job is high on my priority list so I'm willing to take the risk of a dangerous career if I enjoy what I'm doing.

So my advice for today is not to necessarily climb trees or choose a dangerous career but pursue the career you will actually enjoy because if you think about it most people spend about half of the time they are awake working. I'm sure you've probably heard this piece of advice from someone else that's because it's great advice so I feel the need to repeat it. I'm definitely glad I choose to quit something that I hated and made my life miserable and instead pursue a career I actually want to do and will enjoy for many years to come (or at least until my body can't take the abuse anymore, which ever comes first)

Climb Everest? Not In This Lifetime

I just finished watching a documentary on "Surviving Everest". It was by National Geographic and I borrowed it from the local library. Not a usual choice of video I'll admit but I'm a broke student, a library card is free, and I have a lot of time on my hands. Their selection may not be great but hey I learned something. I now know I will never climb Mount Everest. There is a reason the movie was so aptly named. There is a high probability of death, but even if you don't die there are a long list of other unpleasant things that can and probably will happen to you that you would live through but you would probably wish you were dead. I think you have to be a very specific breed of crazy to attempt to climb that mountain.

The other thing that I really don't like about the idea is that it seems like cheating. If you climb to the top of the mountain you would be able to boast proudly that you climbed the highest peak in the world but you won't have done it on your own. For the majority of the trip you would have been carrying nothing while a dozen sherpa's cart all the teams food and gear on their backs while balancing precariously on a ladder over a 500 ft crevasse. It just doesn't seem to add up to me. If I were to truly want to claim I climbed Everest I would want to be able to have carted in my own gear on my back. And since I know I am physically not capable of doing that, I don't think I have the right to climb the mountain. I'll admit you can't climb entirely alone (in most cases) and you need some help, like a climbing partner, but to basically use people as your slaves who risk there lives for you to climb a mountain does not seem fair to me. I think I will set my sites on a much smaller more attainable mountain to someday hopefully climb. "Attempting to climb".

There have been talks of base camp 2010 (I think that was the projected date. Gasmaster, help me out here) and I will definitely consider making that trip because Nepal does look like an amazing place to be. I thought the Rockies were breathtaking but they are nothing compared to the Himalayas and I've only seen them in pictures so I can just imagine what they would look like in person.

So climbing Mt. Everest, that's one thing I can scratch off my list of "the craziest things I would never consider actually doing but admit would be awesome to accomplish."

Winter Roads Aren't Exactly a Super Happy Fun Place

I had the pleasure to drive from Olds to Stony Plain and back on Thursday. You may wonder why I call it a pleasure because the roads were definetly not in good shape (from Bowden to Red Deer was practically white out conditions), I was going there for an interview for a job it turns out I don't even want and there/back is a lot of driving in one day. But I did however enjoy the trip, because since my aquisition of an awesome Christmas present, my MP3 player and a car in which to utilize said player I have more than enough of my favorite music to sing all the way there and back. Now that I finally have it in full working order, (don't even get me started on that; I only have my lack of computer skills to blame for it's poor performance) I could go for hours on end in the car without running out of music to listen to. I like driving my car and being in ultimate control of my destination and the music I use to get there. Even during those moments of terror when I feel my car start to careen out of control on a slippery slope and I'm thinking "oh, s**t I'm going to die" Bon Jovi is there to calm my nerves. For those of you yet to own your own car don't give up on the car fund. Aspire to get your own car even if it is a hunk of junk on wheels (just make sure the radio or tape player works) because the freedom is definetly worth wating for.

You can tell I know very little about cars since my major deciding factor of whether a car is any good is whether or not the radio works. It running and not falling apart is always good too. And as long as it doesn't collect water on the floor in the back seat, causing what is probably a toxic mold, I'm happy. The most luxurious thing about my car is it has power steering. I know what your thinking, some car if that's it's best feature, no air conditioning or heated seats just power steering. Then you've obviously never driven a car without power steering. You want a workout for your arms, get a car without power steering and try parking it. Better yet try parallel parking it, then you will fully realize the beauty of power steering. A genius whoever came up with the concept. And the way I parallel park, it takes several tries and can be quite lengthy, I'd need to pump some iron and work on my rippling biceps just to get through it. So when you go to buy your first car, an old rusted out beautifully oiled machine, let your first question be "am I ripped enough to drive this boat?" and make sure to flex those rippling biceps so the salesman can make an informed decision.

Randomly Breaking into Song

My mission, bequeathed to me by none other than Shaggy, is to randomly break into song whenever a song pops into my head. I think it is a mission worthy of my time and effort. The ultimate goal is to get other people to start doing the same and joining in. For those skeptics out there, it's a lot of fun. If you think you suck at singing your probably right but that doesn't matter. That's the beauty of it. I know I can't sing and that makes it that much more fun. You know those "American Idol" bloopers you see on T.V. That would definitely be me. Simon would look at me and say in his snotty British accent, "You may be the worst singer I've ever heard". But hey if William Hung (no idea how to spell his name) can make it big, I think we should all be allowed to humiliate ourselves in front of our peers and have a good time doing it. Plus if everyone else around you does it too you'll no longer be the freak, you'll be the cool one for having started the craze. If the craze does catch on though I can't take the credit. That title would definitely go to Shaggy because she's the one who converted me in the first place and I'm glad she did. She may have to rock, paper, scissors me for it though and she is freakishly good at that.

Anyway, I chalk today up as a successful day for my mission. Twice today I randomly started singing while others were in attendance, including a very riveting rendition of "It's not unusual to be loved by anyone, ...." I even got one guy to join in snapping his fingers. You know the move, come on you know you want to, "... it's not unusual to have fun with anyone". Can't you just picture Tom Jones rocking out. I must admit I'm still not at the stage where I start dancing in the street, or in the halls. And when I say dancing I mean flailing because I'm that good, "oh yeah". But I definitely break out in song and I think it should be a continent wide goal to try and get others to join in.

For those of you who do not feel the urge to sing and dance randomly I guess myself, Shaggy and Gasmaster have our work cut out for us (because if your reading this Gasmaster I expect you to be taking on this mission as well on the island, you may have a larger geographical area than me but I think your up to the task).

So my advice for today is sing out loud whenever you feel the urge, and not just when your in the shower or driving by yourself in your car, you can sing there too if you want but I'm talking about when there are other people around to witness it. And if you can work some dancing in during the day that's even better.

Time Waster

I'm starting this blog because my friends (you know who you are) have blogs of their own and suggested I give it a try, because I'm in search of things to do in order to waste some time and not go completely insane in the small town of Olds. After some thought, I agree with the idea and I'm going to try it out.

First, I feel I need to warn anyone who wants to read this that the main purpose of this blog is to waste time. I have a lot of time on my hands right now and I am very good at ceaseless ramblings. So ye' be warned. If you don't have time to read my ramblings don't because they can be pretty useless. For instance, today I was cooking supper, a delicious supper if I do say so myself when I smoked my head on the open microwave door. Now your either asking yourself how does one achieve such a stupid feat or your saying who cares. You may even be laughing at the fact that someone would actually do that and that's okay to, I would laugh to if it wasn't me smoking my head on the microwave. For those who are interested in knowing how such a feat is accomplished, you need a microwave at head height, which I convienently have because it sits on top of the fridge, then you need to leave the door open and really who does that. Then with your mind clearly somewhere else all there's left to do is walk right into without knowing its there. It's pretty simple really but the end result is it hurts and a headache soon follows. So instead of trying it yourself I just suggest you take my word for it. So you see I just rambled on for a long paragraph about running into the door on the microwave. I consider it a talent, I'll admit not a great talent and one that's not always appreciated but it's a talent none the less and I'll take what I can get. So my advice for the day, watch out for microwave doors popping out from nowhere.